In Celebration of Jessica's Life
At this year’s open mic up in Sugar Bowl, I invited our family and friends to dedicate some songs to my mom. To introduce these performers, I wrote a short speech about my mom’s role in the Sugar Bowl community. Wanting to make it clear that this was meant to be a celebration of her, I wrote: “Sugar Bowl was my mom’s favorite place in the world, and her enthusiasm for this mountain was infectious. She spent her entire life being a part of this community and maintaining its spirit. What was within her whether it be her grace, strength, or resilience also lies within this community.” At least, this is what I had planned on saying before standing in front of the microphone and completely blacking out! Apparently, I gave a pretty good speech :)
What has stood out to me since her passing is this: my mom’s spirit lies within all of us. The care that I have received from everyone who she loved is a joyous reflection of the light that she brought into this world. Because her kindness was far-reaching, there is no way to encapsulate all of her from my perspective alone. So what follows is a gathering of voices from her friends and family spoken at her memorial. Each one represents a different side of my mom. We have compiled them here for you to come back to when you need a little “Jessica time.”
With gratitude, love and sincere wishes for a year full of wonder and joy,
Claire
“I’m Michael Parish, and Jessica was my little sister. I don’t say that lightly. I was always proud to be Jessica’s brother. It made me smile when I would introduce myself to someone, and they would say, ‘Oh, you’re Jessica’s brother! I love Jessica!’”
“Jessica’s greatest gift wasn’t in those big moments—it was in the quiet, everyday acts of caring.”
“ANY day when I got to spend time with Jessica was always a great day!”
“Everything she did, mothering, becoming a chef and a nurse, skiing, becoming a breast cancer advocate, her marriage, becoming Jewish, she did with an intensity and passion and a deep love, because if you spent any time with Jessica you knew, Jessica really knew how to live.”
“Through her calling as a nurse practitioner, this pint-sized dynamo became a tremendous force for good in the world…For the last few years of her life, Jessica moved away from clinical work to devote her efforts to board service. She and Liz Hume paired up to bring in new friends and sources of funding to help ensure the Clinic’s financial integrity. In the end, Jessica devoted thirty years to the SF Free Clinic. Her spirit is inextricably intertwined with it and inhabits it still, infusing its halls, offices, and exam rooms with her goodwill, optimism, and brightness.”
“Jessica could talk to and connect with anyone. She could put them at ease, regardless of their life story. ”
“Working on that blog together was one of the greatest gifts of our friendship. I always knew what Jessica was feeling—even when she didn’t tell me. I’d say, “That’s so hard,” and she would answer, “So, so hard,”—you know the way she always repeated what you said. And we would cry, and laugh, and cry some more. It was part magic/part healing for us both.”
“Over many years, her infectious giggle had such an effect on us that we often had to resist meeting eyes with Jessica in serious situations, afraid that one glance would tip us into a fit of uncontrollable laughter at an inappropriate time….
One Saturday, in 7th grade, (we were 12) we decided to pool our dimes and quarters and take the MUNI to Polk street “for lunch”. We only had enough money to share one green salad, but dining out on our own felt thrillingly lady-like, just the same. Until, a man walked in off the street, looked us in the eye, scooped up our entire bowl of salad with one hand and stuffed it into his mouth. This stunned all of us silent, except for Jessica, who handed the man our french bread. It wasn’t until our bus ride home, on the 1 California, that we laughed with nervous relief. We never told our parents about this encounter; it remained our secret.
The Five Fine Friends won’t be the same without Jessica; she will be sorely missed. But she will FOREVER BE THE FLOWER CHILD OF OUR SISTERHOOD.”
“Jessica delighted in beauty. She never stopped marveling at simple pleasures: the beauty of the day outside, of simple flowers in her favorite Danish Royal Copenhagen vases, of her beloved dogs soft snuggles, and most especially of her friends and family, who were everything to her. Jessica loved her life deeply, and when you were with her, it was impossible not to see all the beauty she saw, and to love life as much as she did.”
“To pinch off a jasmine flower from a bush as you walk past and to hold in your palm its delicate scent and for a moment to know you possess, privately, the world’s divinity, and then to turn to your walking partner and share with them that delight is, to me, how our mom taught us to be and how to live our lives. These seeds she has given us to sow will be both of joy and grief, springing up entangled; sometimes grief flowering into joy, and sometimes joy releasing grief as seeds into wind.”
"Of course, she had an innate spark for life long before she got sick. That spark, that je ne sais quoi, we could call it Jessicosity. In any case, it made me crush so hard for her. Though we had known each other in college, we became close during that period of searching when she was trying to find the place to put all her empathy and love of people and her concern for the world’s well being." - Steve Galloway
